Brain Break

To all those who have been ever so diligently following the nightmare called “Muscle tear rehab” aka “my life” you’ll probably have noticed that I am pretty frustrated.

 

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I started noticing this issue back in August and wrote about it here. Within ten days I’d had him checked by the vet specialist and he was diagnosed with a very severe muscle tear in his right hind quarter.

 

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Hello darkness, my old friend.

 

Immediately we set up a game plan to rehab this issue, and things seemed to be going relatively well.

Progress was slow, and the work was hard for him but overall it felt like we were taking steps forward. There may have been the occasional plateau but not anything that made me feel like steps backward.

He had a small rest while I was in Rome (but not really, he just wasn’t being rehabbed rather than a proper spell) and our vet visits were about once every fortnight. I kind of thought by the time I came back we would be ready to go again.

But we weren’t.

 

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This is my life now

 

So we continued on with rehab, and reduced visits to once every 4 weeks, though this was difficult with Christmas and New Years on the horizon as well as a change in agistment.

It is what it is.

I started to really struggle with my optimism. Doing everything was becoming a chore and one that felt without end. I stopped feeling as though progress was being made.

Cost of caring for B was going through the roof thanks to the drought, and his paddock has no feed. No paddocks have feed. Anywhere. Which means that B spends his day in his shed, hiding from the hideous heat wave we were/are going through.

Standing and pooping.

All day every day. That’s no good for him either!

 

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Legitimately the only movement he did in a day.
Also, think this is an arena? Wrong. His paddock. So dry.

 

So it began to weigh on me heavily, what my choices were, what was best for him, what was best for me right now (new job, higher pressure, more care factor etc.)

I broke down (again – lol surprise).

You can’t explain to a horse why they’re going through this, and why you’re asking them to do things that are uncomfortable but for their own good. I’d sit in my car and wonder what I was doing wrong, what had I missed, why was this happening and what can I do to fix it?

Our relationship is so strained because my beautiful young man is trapped in a body that hurts and I have been working my arse off. Seemingly for nothing, although that’s unlikely to be true.

Certainly how it feels though.

So I have decided to hit the pause and refresh button and Bumper is going home for a while. Somewhere in the vicinity of 2-4 weeks.

 

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Do you think he will like it?

 

He’ll have 15 acres of wonderful grass to be lost in with friends, he can eat all day and move all day (crucial for him right now really) and just mentally relax. It’s 5 hours away from me and the thought of doing this hurts because I will miss him so much.

But I need to think of him not me.

When he comes back, I am going to send him to a specialised rehabilitation facility with a hydrowalker, dry walker and all those fun fancy things to spend 2 weeks working back up, before I step in again.

 

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Not this exact one, but you get the idea.

 

My wallet won’t thank me for this ($$$$$$$$$$$) but hopefully it will be the best thing for both of us. I can only hope by the time we get to this point we are both ready to try again.

Maybe then I’ll have some better news.

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Hang in there. Your plan to send him to grassy heaven sounds perfect for both of you. Give yourself a break from the constant worry and care. Big hugs and I hope he comes back feeling a lot better

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Emma says:

    i’m so so so sorry that you’re having to go through this, all without the satisfaction of being able to see any major changes or progress. Bumper is lucky to have you tho, you’ve got his back. FWIW i honestly don’t think there are many *wrong* choices in situations like this – we all have to balance what’s best for our circumstances and our horses. but the plan you laid out sounds really really good. i hope it works for you both!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Constant worry and care and the strain it puts on you is no joke. I completely understand and empathize with you. If you ever need to chat, please feel free to message me. I had doctors appointments around the time of Amber’s laminitis and corresponding 2 month check up and all of them expressed concerns because apparently my blood pressure was through the roof. They even considered giving me blood pressure medication and were really stumped because I was too young to have that. I finally put 2 and 2 together, told them about Amber and then it all made sense. So thankfully no meds needed, but we love our partners, and we worry about them. I think it’s wonderful that you can throw B out in a lovely pasture to help with his rehabilitation. Many times I think it’s so much worse for us to see them every day when they’re in so much pain that it’s easier for both parties not to see each other for a while. The rehab center sounds like a wonderful idea, and I think the pasture and the center sound just like the slow intake of breath that you and B need. Lots of hugs your way ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. L. Williams says:

    Sounds like a great game plan and will hopefully relieve some of the stress you are feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. KC Scott says:

    So many hugs! He is going to think he’s died and gone to heaven when he sees that field. And then going to a rehab facility where they have the fancy schmancy machines to build those muscles back up is super smart. I wished I could’ve afforded to do just that with P because it really is a great, no-impact way to get back in shape. You’ve got this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks rehab buddy 💕💕

      Like

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