Odd title, I know.

I haven’t brought this up on the blog yet, partly because I wanted to sit with this for a while, but mostly because I have had a backlog of content to catch up on and this post deserved my full attention.

Now, everyone here should be familiar with Bumper…

I can’t wait to look back and be like “remember when we had NFI how to do shoulder in?”

He’s my boy.

My main squeeze.

The frustrating yet worthwhile light of my life.

We have had some serious ups and downs, but it feels like we are finally clawing our selves out the other side.

Hopefully, you guys also remember Pepper…

My pretty girl.

She is my first homebred, and the horse of my dreams (if you disregard I was hoping for a bay colt that is).

The journey of finding the right mare, with the TB lines I had always wanted and then putting her to the stallion I had been drooling over for years, getting that first scan with the little embryo and then losing it at the last scan only to end up with a foal ~10 months later.

It was a ride.

Since she arrived I have been in awe of her. Her movement, her temperament, her personality, all of it.

She floats ❤

From the moment she hit the ground, I have been biding my time and trying to find a horse to hold me over until I could ride her.

But then B came along.

I didn’t expect to love him so much, and I didn’t expect him to be so great for me. He may not always be the horse I want in the moment but he is definitely the horse I need to be a better rider. He also makes me so happy 99% of the time, which aren’t bad stats in this game.

It also doesn’t hurt that he is SO. PRETTY.

But this leaves me in a kind of tricky place…

I don’t think I can do two horses. Between the time I would need, and the increased money expenditure… I just don’t know if its feasible for me.

Full time work, part time PhD and 2 horses? You’d have to be insane.

A few months ago I was resigned to his sale and had quietly started putting the word out to people I trusted without actually advertising him.

Being a good boi, despite my hands floating in opposite directions.

Only to be met with a resounding “that would be a mistake” from the people I trust most.

People who know both him and me.

Professional riders who know what this sport takes.

But how can I give up my miracle baby? She can’t just sit in the paddock forever.

Disregard my “safety first” footwear attitude.

I have never been more confused and no decision I can make sits well with me. But with parts of Australia experiencing a second wave of COVID the decision has been (temporarily) put on hold.

Pepper is in a lock down area and I can’t get to her, and while this doesn’t make me happy I just feel so relieved I don’t have to make this decision now.

But I will, sooner or later. I just never thought this would be a problem.

Someone help me, please.

Join the Conversation


  1. I have no words of wisdom for you, but I can commiserate. Making a choice about our horses when there is no clear-cut answer is hard. Blessing in disguise perhaps to have the COVID19 disruption delay a final choice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh man that super sucks. I wish I was rich and could sponsor people so they could keep their heart horses! But I also which that a rich person would sponsor me haha.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh man… what a rough decision. I feel you though. May is getting older and already near the top of her jumping comfort level. I know that, eventually, I will need to get another horse and figure out a situation for May. Why can’t we have unlimited funds for every horse our hearts fall for.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh damn. This seriously sucks. While I’m not going to school anymore (you’re crazy, FYI), I struggle balancing family, a full-time job and two horses. What ends up happening more often than not is P sitting more days than getting ridden since Leo is the main focus for now. But it’s also been great having two horses because baby horses are frustrating and make you feel like you’re the world’s worst rider. So if I had one of *those* rides on Leo, I could climb on ol’ P to keep my own skills up. Plus, on days Leo gets off (soon he’s getting at least a full month off since homeboy has been working hard), I don’t have to take a day off riding.

    My barn owner bought a 3 year old and was also riding her 11 year old (with similar time struggles, the 11 year old definitely was more on the back burner). Then she sold the 11 year old and all she rides is the 3-now-4 year old,and she now regrets selling her older one. So there’s something to be said for having two, even if you don’t have the time for working with both full-time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am a little bit nuts but my work actually allocates a 30% research load each year so it makes sense to use that for further study instead of just publishing random papers. Still a long, hard slog though I am so lucky to have a job I love this much that lets me research horses so no complaints.

      If B was a bit older and more consolidated it would probably be more achievable but he’s still very much a young horse and not one that deals well with inconsistent work sadly.


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